


His Schedule

by RichardGraysonPercyJackson



Series: I'm Sorry [11]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU (Comics)
Genre: Eating Disorders, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Routine, Suicidal Thoughts, Vomiting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-19
Updated: 2019-03-19
Packaged: 2019-11-24 14:31:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18166424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RichardGraysonPercyJackson/pseuds/RichardGraysonPercyJackson
Summary: Slade forced Dick onto a schedule. The acrobat was bound to snap eventually.





	His Schedule

**Author's Note:**

> Stay tuned to the end for an important note

**6:00**

Slade woke quickly and silently, taking a moment to breathe before he heaved himself out of bed, rounding the bed to tower over Dick’s sleeping form where the acrobat slept on the other side since Slade didn’t trust Dick on his own

“Grayson,” he snapped, placing one hand on the acrobat’s shoulder and shaking him. “Get up.”

Dick brushed him off, cracking one eye open to glare at Slade. “Leave me alone.”

“I don’t know what Wayne let you get away with,” Slade said slowly. “But I won’t put up with shit like this. It gets old fast, kid, believe me. So last chance. Get up before I make you.”

Dick looked up at him. He said nothing. Slade was already losing his temper. “Do  _ not  _ push me, Grayson.”

Dick took another moment before very slowly getting up and to his feet. “I’m up,” he snapped at Slade. “Happy?”

“Yes,” Slade replied, taking Dick’s arm and dragging him into the bathroom, closing and locking the door. “Strip.”

“You know how you said my shit gets old?” Dick asked innocently. “Yeah, so does this.”

“Strip,” Slade said slowly, crossing his arms over his chest. “And get in the shower.”

Dick just barely resisted the urge to roll his eyes. He took a fast shower because Slade was ex-military and the last time Dick had taken a shower longer than five minutes, Slade had turned the water as cold as it could go.

Dick was angry when he got out of the shower. “Can I at least have a razor?” he asked, drying himself off and getting dressed. “I need to shave.”

“That’s a privilege you’ll have to earn, kid,” Slade replied as he gestured for Dick to sit on the vanity. “From now on, if you need to shave, I’ll do it for you. At least until I feel like you can be trusted with a sharp object.

 

………..

 

**7:00**

“Get your shoes on.”

“What for?” Dick asked, even as he did as he was told. His head was starting to hurt and he felt sick. He didn’t want to argue.

“Every day at seven,” Slade replied as he pulled his own shoes on. “We’re going for a run. We’ll have breakfast when we come back.”

“Slade,” Dick said quietly as they left the apartment. “I don’t feel like running.”

“You need a routine and you need to get outside,” Slade declared. “Therefore, a run.”

Dick opened his mouth to object. “Slade-”

“If what’s about to come out of your mouth is not ‘yes sir’, then I don’t want to hear it.”

Dick shut his mouth.

\---------

 

“I tried to tell you,” Dick whispered, heading resting on Slade’s shoulder, limbs trembling as the mercenary carried him bridal style back to the apartment. About five minutes into the run, Dick had fallen to his knees, thrown up, and promptly passed out. He’d regained consciousness as Slade was scraping him off the pavement.

“You’ll have a light breakfast when we get back.”

“Do you seriously think I can stomach anything?” Dick asked.

“I said light.”

Dick sighed, too tired to argue.

 

………..

 

**9:30**

Dick was lying on the couch, half asleep, when Slade stepped into his peripheral vision, handing him a reusable water bottle.

“Drink.”

“Not hungry,” Dick said stubbornly, glaring at the wall.

“Don’t think I’ll believe that, kid,” Slade said, thrusting it into Dick’s hands. “Drink.”

“Slade, I literally threw up and passed out on a run I didn’t want to go on,” Dick stated. “I puked three minutes after eating toast. I can’t keep anything down.”

“No, you  _ can,”  _ Slade said firmly. “You’ve just spent several months convincing yourself that you  _ can’t _ .”

“Slade-”

“Drink. It.”

Dick glared at him but before he could even try to take a sip, Slade put a hand on his wrist.

“Small sips,” the mercenary ordered. “Do  _ not  _ make yourself throw up or so help me Grayson.”

  
  


………..

**5:00**

It was the first day of Dick’s schedule, so he didn’t have counseling. That was the next day. Which meant after he had gotten most of the drink down - and promptly thrown it back up twenty minutes later - Slade let him be.

Which translated to ‘Slade made him sleep on the couch where he could be watched’. He was woken up around two when Midnighter came to get him, but the meta let him crawl onto the couch in Midnighter and Apollo’s apartment to sleep which Dick did as son as his head hit the pillows.

He woke up around five PM to Midnighter kneeling in front of the couch, gently shaking him awake.

“Hey,” Midnighter said, helping him sit up. “Think you can eat this cracker for me?”

“Are you serious?” Dick asked weakly, still tired and just wanting to sleep forever. And never wake up. Or breathe. Or-

“It’s like, a quarter of a cracker,” Midnighter said, drawing Dick out of his downward spiral of thoughts.

“I haven’t been able to keep anything down today,” Dick pointed out.

“Then eat half a quarter of a cracker,” Midnighter said. “But you have to eat something, kid. You lost a lot of weight-”

“Being dead,” Dick deadpanned. “I know.” he took the cracker and glared at it before biting off a tiny corner. Midnighter sat next to him and though he didn’t directly stare Dick down like Slade would have, Dick had a feeling the man would still know if he tried to not eat it.

 

……….

 

“So this is it then?” Dick mumbled as he sat at the dinner table with Midnighter and Apollo, reluctantly eating another quarter of cracker Midnighter had coaxed on him after he’d managed to keep the first quarter down for an hour.

It sat like lead in his stomach, but he kept it down.

“What do you mean?” M asked.

“This is my life now?” Dick asked, giving a weak laugh. “I bounce back and forth between here and Slade’s and I’m never left alone or allowed to make my own choices? My day is predetermined from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep?” he shook his head. “If this is my life, then I think I was better off dead.”

“You were given a second chance-”

“No, Jason forced a second chance on me,” Dick snapped. “I didn’t want this!”

“And we didn’t want you dead.”

“Oh I see,” Dick drawled. “Yeah, this is how it always is. No one cares what Dickie wants because the moment I say anything that starts with ‘I want’ I’m seen as selfish! No, Dick Grayson is supposed to make sacrifices for everyone else! He’s the people person! He’s the one everyone can lean on but also the one everyone can abuse and I’m just expected to take it!” he was on his feet and screaming now. M didn’t look fazed where as Apollo looked unsure of how to help.

“Kid-”

“Next time I kill myself,” Dick hissed. “I’m going to make sure no one finds my body.” 

**Author's Note:**

> So I started this because I was having a really shitty weekend. I had gone about a week without eating breakfast or lunch and I started getting really worried that I was killing myself slowly. 
> 
> I thought maybe writing this, taking my feelings out on a fictional character, might help.
> 
> It did, at first, but my mental health has actually taken a nosedive the last two days. 
> 
> Sunday night/early Monday morning I had tons of really weird dreams and I experienced my first sleep paralysis which is absolutely terrifying.
> 
> Last night/this morning wasn't any better and I had two more episodes of sleep paralysis, not to mention that last I also started having some dark thoughts.
> 
> So as much as I absolutely love this series, the updating time is going to slow down drastically until I get better.
> 
> I might try and focus on something outside of suicide in the next short, but that won't be for awhile.
> 
> But I promise, the story's not over yet. I just need to take care of myself first.
> 
> If you took the time to read all of this, thank you so much. If not, I completely understand.
> 
> Thanks so much for reading and let me know your thoughts below!
> 
> -RichardGraysonPercyJackson 3/19/19


End file.
